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too artsy for the footy kids, too footy for the art ones

by jakson

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1.
i’m not giving up i’m not giving in but i’m not gonna get up i’m gonna stay in i wont win the morning i wont win the day i wont even try to and i wont feel ashamed i won't go to school i won't go to work i won't be productive at all and it won't hurt i’ll get through the day just do the least drink plenty of water remember to eat this is enough i don’t need more you shouldn’t either life isn’t a sport i might write a song i might write two i might write nothing i don’t do it for you you could call it selfish i wouldn’t disagree but first things first i gotta look after me but i feel fine i feel kinda great it’s quite liberating to have nothing on my plate you don’t need to worry i don’t need help i’ve embraced the condition i’ve drank from the cup i used to fight it work hard and take meds but i’m not gonna deny it this is who i am this isn’t improvement this is acceptance i know what my life is gonna be and i won’t end it i feel at ease at home with my pain it’s nothing dramatic i’m really okay i'm really okay i'm really okay i'm really okay i'm really okay
2.
every time that i do drugs i remember why i don’t i can just be anxious for free from the comfort of home they don't make me want to dance or give me ego death they just make me want to curl up in my unmade bed feel depressed for the next three days what the fuck for you don’t make friends or memories in the toilet cubicle chew lots of gum and sit down for hours at a time i do not feel good i should’ve stuck to red wine too artsy for the footy kids too footy for the art ones i just do this shit because i'm too awkward to say no not because its fun michael sera serotonin que sera sera serotonin michael sera serotonin que sera sera serotonin michael sera serotonin que sera sera serotonin michael sera serotonin que sera sera serotonin
3.
i could never kill myself i could never do it because i have a lot of love to give and i mean a lot i have a lot of love to give and i intend to give it but sometimes it would be nice to receive some too
4.
the junkies junk the killers kill motherfuckers mother fuck and the dealers deal the hopeless lose hope the dickheads dick the stoners stone until they're lunatics the crackheads crack the buyers buy the rapists rape the passers by pass by the murderers murder the starving starve the preachers preach in a bastard's bar the dead stay dead the repulsive repulse the mongrels mung on insulters insults the walkers walk the runners run the beginning has ended the end has begun the poor stay poor the rich get richer dogs live dogma men live by scripture the diabolical die by alcohol the sufferers suffer the revolting revolt the grotesque grow the disgusting disgust the vermin are in the gutter's gut the wankers wank the rotten rot the obscene are seen the shocking shock the stupid stoop down the lowly lie low the uppers keep you up until they don't the junkies junk the killers kill motherfuckers motherfuck and the dealers deal some things stop some things don't some things should but they won't
5.
a love song 02:19
my girlfriend often asks me i darling when will you write a love song for me? but when you're in love (and i am) every song you write is a love song every poem you write is a love poem every movie that you watch is a romance everything becomes romantic and a little bit more human and more beautiful when you're in love like reading the newspaper and doing the quiz on a sunday morning catching a tram buying groceries going to sleep and waking up cooking eggs and eating them making the bed and unmaking it and sex sex sex cups of tea painting your fingernails washing the dishes there is love everywhere in everything you do when you're in love i know this because i am in love and it it is magic
6.
i've watched my grandfather cry i spoke at his funeral had plenty of friends suicide melancholy is not unusual but none of it brings me to tears maybe i am immune maybe there's something wrong with me maybe i'm just being rude i want to cry i don't know how my father never taught me but i can drink a beer throw a punch grit my teeth and kick a footy i once got dumped on my birthday i watch the news every night i've been angry i've been anxious and i've been in pain i've said a lot of goodbyes but none of it brings me to tears maybe i am immune maybe there's something wrong with me maybe i'm just being rude i want to cry but i don't know how my father never taught me but i can drink a beer throw a punch grit my teeth and kick a footy i can drive a manual and i can grow a moustache i can change a tyre i've been in plenty of scraps i can lift heavy stuff i can ride a bike i can chop onions i only cut my face shaving sometimes and i can tie a tie and i can tie a tie i just can't fucking cry i just can't fucking cry i want to cry but i don't know how my father never taught me but i can drink a beer throw a punch grit my teeth and kick a footy i want to cry but i don't know how my father never taught me but i can drink a beer throw a punch grit my teeth and kick a footy
7.
i can't cry i don't know how i get sad and everything but the tears just don't come i can't cry but if i could i would i'd cry on my birthday and on my mother's birthday and on christmas and good friday thinking about poor jesus christ i'd cry at the movies and cafes and car dealerships i'd cry at weddings and funerals and baptisms and housewarming parties and going away parties and bar mitzvahs i'd cry when i see an old man walking slowly through northcote with his old beige suit and his wrinkles and his cigarette i'd cry when i practice violin and when i read the news when i cut vegetables when i cook them and when i give a hug i'd cry when i listen to julien baker or daniel johnston or debussy or my grandmother on the phone i'd cry when i take a sip of carlton draught or peppermint tea i'd cry when i pray which is not very often i'd cry when carlton win the footy and when they lose i'd cry at airports and protests and train stations and beaches i'd cry at the sunday flea markets and on the floor of a pub bathroom i'd cry in taxis in bed and in the bath i'd cry in style in my mothers arms in danger in libraries in churches in public i'd cry in hotel lobbies and supermarket aisles i'd cry when i see the moon and the stars and ladybugs and naked bodies and sunflowers and rainbows and canola fields and a movers' truck on the highway and christmas lights i'd cry when i get a haircut when i shave and cut my face i'd cry when i tie a tie i'd cry when i wear makeup i'd cry when i ride a bike down a hill and when i have my photo taken i'd cry when i piss i'd cry when i read sappho and chitty chitty bang bang and the bible and kim addonizio i'd cry when i'm driving home in the dark and my mate falls asleep in the passenger seat i'd cry when i think about heath ledger or kobe bryant or sylvia plath or ian curtis or brittany murphy or joan of arc or river phoenix or charlotte dawson or phillip seymour hoffman or august ames or giles corey or chris benoit or edgar allen poe i'd cry when i think about my primary school buddy named daniel he was grade 1 when i was grade 6 i'm not sure if you know the concept of buddies but like we get assigned one at the start of the year we help them out and say hello to them in the playground maybe once a week our class would go into his class and hang out and help with work and maybe once a term or something we'd do some extra fun stuff like laser tag or go get mcdonald's and after school i forgot that he existed until last year when i heard he had a car accident he was driving his little brother home from their grandparents house and hit a tree his brother survived he didn't it's probably a good thing i can't cry if i could i'd never stop

credits

released February 28, 2023

lyrics written by jakson gibbs
music written by jakson gibbs and liam unwin
performed by jakson gibbs and liam unwin
mixed and mastered by liam unwin

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jakson Canberra, Australia

jakson is a musical project by jakson. varying from noisy post-punk, to eclectic freak folk.

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