i can't cry
i don't know how
i get sad and everything
but the tears just don't come

i can't cry
but if i could
i would

i'd cry on my birthday
and on my mother's birthday
and on christmas and good friday
thinking about poor jesus christ
i'd cry at the movies
and cafes
and car dealerships

i'd cry at weddings
and funerals
and baptisms
and housewarming parties
and going away parties
and bar mitzvahs

i'd cry when i see an old man walking slowly through northcote with his old beige suit and his wrinkles and his cigarette

i'd cry when i practice violin
and when i read the news
when i cut vegetables
when i cook them
and when i give a hug

i'd cry when i listen to julien baker
or daniel johnston
or debussy
or my grandmother on the phone

i'd cry when i take a sip of carlton draught
or peppermint tea

i'd cry when i pray
which is not very often

i'd cry when carlton win the footy
and when they lose

i'd cry at airports
and protests
and train stations
and beaches

i'd cry at the sunday flea markets
and on the floor of a pub bathroom

i'd cry in taxis
in bed
and in the bath

i'd cry in style
in my mothers arms
in danger
in libraries
in churches
in public

i'd cry in hotel lobbies
and supermarket aisles

i'd cry when i see the moon
and the stars
and ladybugs
and naked bodies
and sunflowers
and rainbows
and canola fields
and a movers' truck on the highway
and christmas lights

i'd cry when i get a haircut
when i shave and cut my face

i'd cry when i tie a tie
i'd cry when i wear makeup
i'd cry when i ride a bike down a hill
and when i have my photo taken
i'd cry when i piss

i'd cry when i read sappho
and chitty chitty bang bang
and the bible
and kim addonizio

i'd cry when i'm driving home in the dark and my mate falls asleep in the passenger seat

i'd cry when i think about heath ledger
or kobe bryant
or sylvia plath
or ian curtis
or brittany murphy
or joan of arc
or river phoenix
or charlotte dawson
or phillip seymour hoffman
or august ames
or giles corey
or chris benoit
or edgar allen poe

i'd cry when i think about my primary school buddy named daniel
he was grade 1 when i was grade 6
i'm not sure if you know the concept of buddies but like we get assigned one at the start of the year
we help them out and say hello to them in the playground
maybe once a week our class would go into his class and hang out and help with work
and maybe once a term or something we'd do some extra fun stuff like laser tag or go get mcdonald's
and after school i forgot that he existed
until last year
when i heard he had a car accident
he was driving his little brother home from their grandparents house and hit a tree
his brother survived
he didn't

it's probably a good thing i can't cry
if i could
i'd never stop